Who will be Liverpool's next boss?

Monday, 7 June 2010 ·

So, after only one poor season (but admittedly two or three of political in-fighting with the clubs Yankee-doodle-dandies) Rafa Benitez has left Liverpool FC by 'mutual consent.'  So while the two cowboys wipes their backsides with the money they are charging Liverpool in interest payments, who is there out there that can take Liverpool as they stand and make them viable contenders for the title next season - even though said new man will not have any cash to spend?
Here are the names being rumoured for the Liverpool post:

1. Martin O'Neill
2. Guus Hiddink
3. Roy Hodsgon
4. Kenny Dalglish
5. Oswaldo De Oliviera
6. Jurgan (No)Kluesman
7. Manuel Pellegrini.

Let's begin with No.1 shall we?


1. O'Neill.
Only successful in Scotland. Scotland? There are only two teams in Scotland and both teams have done nothing in Europe for so many years, if they were a married couple this would represent celibacy.
Took Villa to a final. With English players. So what? Watching his teams is like watching paint dry. Boring and ridiculously predictable. 4-4-2. Wingers. Big-man and pacy-man up front. The game has moved on from such simplistic tactics. That's why he's at Villa.

2. Hiddink. Had a brief spell in England with Chelsea and was successful. Won a cup with an expensively assembled squad. I could do that. Couldn't get technically brilliant players in Russia to qualify for the WC (not the toilet, the World Cup) and so has opted to lead Turkey instead. I shall refrain from the usual jokes. People say he's a good manager though. But any time a job comes up he's always linked with it. Maybe cos most of the jobs he has taken were just a tad (think South korea folks) but let's face the only reason his record looks good is because he won 90% of it in Holland.

3. Woy Hodgson. Most likeable man in football. Who cares. Football is about winning. Ferguson is feared and respected because he is a winner. He doesn't give a monkey's left you-know-what if anyone likes him. Good ol' Woy has only ever won anything in Switzerland and Sweden. Apart from plaudits but, let's face it, you can't polish plaudits.

4. King Kenny.
Deserted Liverpool (after leaving an ageing squad with way too much influence) claiming the pressures of the game. And who could blame him: Heysel and four years later one of the worst and politically horrifying tragedies of all time at Hillsborough. Then decided to join Blackburn. Eight months later. Moneybags Blackburn bought their way to the title under Dalglish who guided them to the First Division Play-Off victory. Only manager apart from Fergie, Wenger and Ancelotte to win the Premiership. Possibly been out of management too long to fully understand the game now but the biggest doubt is whether he would be able to handle the stress levels with the game even more of a global game under the glare of the media spotlight.

5. Oswaldo De Oliviera.
Who? (Brazilian manager currently plying his trade in the J-League)
And why would he be linked? No idea. Possibly because he would come cheap and is used to the purely coaching side common to so many continental set-ups. The Yanks want someone that will not rock the boat too much.

6. Klinsmann. Couldn't manage to down a pint never mind a football club of Liverpool's stature. Proved that by being a total failure at Bayern Munich. Finally they saw sense and got rid of him. Good players do not make good managers. Why do chairmen not understand this? Idiots. The only reason why Germany looked good was because of Joachim Low. And who is Germany manager now? Oh, hang on.... I know this... Is it... Joachim Low? Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
This is a manager. Managing players of questionable ability to produce performances way beyond their capabilities. Always overlooked this is a real manager that should be commended far more for his tactical and managerial nous than PR gurus like Hiddink et al. IMO a better choice because he has the qualities of Benitez but is more low profile and that's what the Wanks-sorry- Yanks want.

7. Manuel Pellegrini.
Another great manager but will always be carrying around the weight of this: Failed to win anything with over £400 million pounds worth of talent at his disposal in his only season in charge despite scoring 102 (fuck me) league goals and still coming second in the league.
So, who will Liverpool go for? There is now talk of Harry Redknapp but the wheeler-dealer needs money (as he has proven by helping to drive Portsmouth to administration and spending lavishly at Spurs) which he will simply not get at Liverpool until new owners materialise. If they ever do. The logical answer to this question is that with the current situation and uncertainty surrounding the two clowns, no manager will want to come to Liverpool despite claims by silly ex-players who like to fantasise about the lure and stature of "a club like Liverpool" attracting any big-name. Benitez is still one of the biggest names in European football and the way they have systematically attempted to destroy him means that no coach worth his salt would touch the poisoned chalice that is Liverpool Football Club.

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